The below blog is written by a women, Leah Martin, who worked at and some times lead Evan's Gymboree class while I was pregnant with Corinne. She was also pregnant right before I was with her daughter being a few months older then Corinne. She wrote this blog back in August about our sweet Corinne. And tonight she felt the urge to share it with me.. It couldn't have come at a better time and as we are mourning Corinne's 5 month birthday.
WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 17, 2011
Blessed.
When I was in the 4th grade my friend Brandy had a baby sister who died from complications of a hole in her heart. I remember when it happened because we were actually at a Jump Rope for Heart rally at my school {you remember those, right? You raised money and got super cool prizes crap based on how much money you raised?!} and Brandy was jumping rope in the same area of the gym I was. I don't remember all the details, but I do remember Brandy telling me her mom was holding her baby sister when she died. Being around 9 at the time I had no concept of what that meant, but as I sit here 17 years later with tears streaming down my face my heart aches for Brandy's mom as I can only imagine her pain is still as real today as it was back then.
I moved a year or so later and have no idea what Brandy is up to these days. I honestly cannot even remember her last name, but was reminded of her and her sweet baby sister this past Saturday as the Moll family {a family I know through Gymboree} said goodbye to their daughter Corinne. She went to be with Jesus on August 10 - just 2 days before she would have been a month old. My heart aches for Emily as much as it does for Brandy's mom.
As I tucked Campbell in Saturday night I sobbed as I prayed for Emily. I prayed for God to give her a peace only He can provide. I prayed that her soul would rest in the fact that He is good and would carry her through this. I also thanked God for my healthy, happy 10 month old baby girl. It was at that moment I realized that she is not mine, but precious a gift God has entrusted to me. One He can take back at any time. I knew I was blessed, or at least I thought I knew, but in the stillness of that night I felt the presence of the Lord like I haven't felt in a long time. I had gotten to a place where I felt like Campbell was more of a burden than a blessing. Do not misunderstand what I am saying there. I am head over heals in love with my daughter, but I am sinful and selfish and if her schedule and/or needs did not fit into the perfect mold I had created I would often feel put out. I am not proud to say I felt that way, but am being honest to show that God is so much bigger than my weakness. It is a learning process and takes me surrendering daily, sometimes hourly, but the Lord is completely changing my heart. That moment completely shifted my focus and I believe I will be a better mother for it.
I have no idea why God chose to take Corinne so soon, but her short little life significantly changed mine. Join me in praying for the Moll family as they figure out life without their sweet girl.
To read here blog go to http://ohthemartins.blogspot.com/2011/08/blessed.html
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