"How are you?" is a daily questions I get from friends and family, well it use to be. Its been 4 months most people don't ask anymore.... I use tom come up with a new phrase to sooth them. I struggle with what to say. I am a honest person but I am too sensitive to poeple's opinions at times.. Most days I wake up searching for something that will motivate me to be a happy mother, wife, and person. Most days I fail. And stay like a hermit in my house walking the rooms oblivious as to what is missing. Other days I put my act together and head out and pretend like nothing happened and keep living life. I think I pull those days off relatively well, but who knows.
I didn't know pain existed like this. I physically hurt for Corinne everyday. It however does bring me peace knowing she is in Heaven, the most amazing place ever and I long for the day we can be together!
I know people that lost their children too soon and they say it "was a blessing" and Corinne did bless me, but its very hard to feel blessed when you lost your child. For me Corinne did not have a huge legacy to leave behind.. no cancer awareness, no ad for drunk driving, no genetic disorder that could have game changing medical resources available to them one day. Zellweger will never be cured and mostly will continue to never be heard of. I am okay with that. I don't feel like I was blessed with Corinne to rid the world or educate them on ZS. But I do still search as to what this means for me as a women and mother. Because right now I feel empty and alone.
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